I want to thank those who e-mailed me (to point me to the NPZ post). I wasn't feeling well today, so I probably wouldn't have seen it as soon if it hadn't been for your e-mails.
On that note, I know many of you saw his post. In some ways, I'm glad that he posted the post he did because it made it possible to discover how he seemed to know so much about our family. Back in 1999, I started a livejournal that was dedicated to my children. At the time, I only had P1 and P2. The letters were my attempt to put their history on paper as it happened. I also wanted them to see why I made certain choices. And, I've found that time tends to change our reasons for doing what we do. Hindsight is 20/20, after all. It was important to me that they knew the truth of their lives. I didn't have that advantage and, still, to this day, I don't have answers or insight regarding childhood events.
So...I made the journal. On the eve of my wedding to PDaddy, I wrote a note to P1 and P2 explaining why I divorced their ex-PDaddy. I said a variety of things in the note. One important point, to me, was that they knew that despite any of the bad choices I, or my ex, made, they were not us and should not see genetic relationships as a harbinger of their future. Particularly because my ex was unfaithful and other negative character attributes: I did not want P2 to think that he was "cursed". Some people may think that's odd, but... it was necessary. My ex repeated, almost action for action, the actions of his father (abandoning his children for good, leaving a wife w/children in financial ruin, and cheating). At one point in our marriage, my Ex-MIL had said (about my ex-Husband), "His apple didn't fall far from the tree." I thought that was a horrible thing to say and it made me wonder if she had a part in his self-confidence when it came to marriage.
I also wrote the letter as an apology to P1 and P2. They didn't choose to be born. And, in some ways, I still feel like I let them down (with regards to my first marriage). I got married out of a feeling of obligation to the Catholic Church and P1. I thought marrying my boyfriend would make him a good father. Of course, that's not how it works. I apologized to them because I knew he and I weren't ready for marriage, but I didn't stop it. But, at the same time, P2 came out of that marriage. I wouldn't change that for the world. P2 doesn't remember his bio dad. He was so little when we split. P1 remembers. So, as a sign of respect for her especially...I let her decide who to share these things with. I never, ever, ever will say bad things about their biological father to them. And, posting about him brings temptation to do so. That's why I avoided it. (For the record, she gave me the okay to share what I'm sharing right now.) Pdaddy adopted them legally and has been their father always in all ways. He is their daddy. And, our life has been wonderful. But, on the eve of our wedding, I wanted them to know that I was marrying Pdaddy out of love, as opposed to marriage out of obligation and wished that they would marry for love and choice (someday).
NPZ (Thomas) bastardized this letter. He tried to claim it was proof that I "trapped" ex-Pdaddy. Nothing could be further from the truth. But, more intriguing than his lack of understanding was the fact that that letter was PRIVATE. It had never been a public letter. EVER! And, in fact, only twelve people knew about that blog and had access to read it. This meant he had to know someone who had access to that blog. As soon as I realized that, I realized that I knew exactly who he was. His sister-in-law was one of my first friendships on LJ. She had access to the letters blog. Because I posted in it rather infrequently post 2001 (when I moved to a paper-pen journal for this purpose), I had forgot that some people could still read those letters from the past. His sister-in-law was LIVID when I started this blog. If you go back to my earliest entries, you'll see that part of my reason for starting this blog was an effort to keep my LJ friends from being constantly offended. She and I got into a huge internet argument and parted ways. Apparently, she holds some grudges. When I posted about Quiverfull families, she pointed her brother to this blog and fueled him with ancient information. I'm stunned that any one would be that perturbed almost two years later.
It appears that NPZ deleted the post. But, I want everyone to know why he deleted the post. See...once I recognized how I was connected to him (by an ex-friend), it struck me that I knew some dirt about he and his wife. Nancy's sister was a gossip. One memory was the post where she discussed her sister's (Nancy's) shot-gun wedding and birth three months post honeymoon. Another was a post regarding his problems with taxes. Starting in 2001, he evaded paying them. He claimed that, as a minister, his house should be tax exempt. He was also selling motivational tapes without recording the income. Another, perhaps more concerning story, included Nancy calling the cops on his for a domestic dispute.
He's no angel. He's a hypocrite! I wasn't going to post these little tidbits. And, in a way, I'm going back on my word that I would not post his short-comings if he pulled the post. BUT, being the arrogant ass that he is, he sent me the following e-mail before deleting his post.
"I got forgiving blessing from God about those things. Share them and you'll have egg on your face cause I am about truth."
I took that as permission. So,...how's the egg on my face looking?