THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH
1. "You can not do this. You must choose to wed or face bringing aI was pretty young with my first pregnancy (20) and went to Church (like the good little Catholic I was) to talk to a priest about my feelings. I was scared shitless. And, he played me like a Stradivarius by telling me how adopting my child to an "upstanding Catholic family" would please God. He said, "Either marry or put the baby up for adoption through Catholic services."
bastard child into the world."
Talk about your false dichotomy! In case you haven't noticed, P1 has turned out better than fine.
2. "My my...you're a big boy. It's a good thing nothing happened toWhen P2 was born, he was in the NICU for a bit and we were told to not take him to church until his immune system had a chance to develop. So...when we finally got around to baptizing him, he was at least six months old. The nun who said that was helping me get P2 dressed for the service and I fought the urge to run to the car and leave. What she said was sick.
you before you could get baptized." - Nun
3. "Parents! Your duty is not to cater to the child's needs.
Your job is to bring them to the Lord with humble hearts and innocence.
Attempting to create, with them, a more loving relationship than the one they
have with their Creator is wrong." - Priest
Um...says the man with no children. And, what kind of crap is that!
4. Last, but not least...""Why would you insult our God by coming
undressed in his holy place." nursing in church. I breastfed all of
my children. I had children. I know they need to eat and that's why you
should bring bottles!" - Nosy Catholic Mommy
This little gem was said to us during the time when Catholics give the sign of peace to their neighbors. This "Catholic Mommy" gasped when she turned to see my feeding P3. Pdad had taken off his suit coat wrapped it around us AND I had a nursing dress on (the kind with vertical slits in the top to allow access to the boob without pulling your top off). It's a tit!! A breast. A boob. A mammary gland. How is it that women like her can believe in a divine creator and then question breastfeeding. Was her God not responsible for breasts that produce milk perfect for a child? Was her God responsible for making the distance from baby's eyes to mommy's eyes the clearest distance an infant can see? I don't think God did it. But, if you claim God is responsible for creating us, you have to include breasts ad breastfeeding...or did those come from Satan?
1. "If you never put him/her down, then how will they learn to
Um. I've yet to see a three year old who can't walk because they were held to much.
2. "Crying won't hurt him/her one bit. Let him/her cry. He/she
will settle down if you don't respond."
I got this "advice" so many times that I finally xeroxed a bunch of articles telling them that, actually, letting a child CIO (cry it out) teaches the child that they can not depend on anyone to help them. I also sent them a video link from a study down to see what actually happens when babies are allowed to CIO. The babies usually cried until they were physically ill. If there needs still weren't met, they would start rocking back and forth in the crib to try and self-soothe. Eventually, their eyes glaze over and they, in 73% of cases, turned their faces to the wall and sobbed themselves to sleep.
3. "Co-sleeping is s dangerous and leads to sexual perversion."
Well, at least we know why there are so many promiscuous tribes in third world nations. Not! I doubt rapists become who they are because their parents co-slept until the decided they were too old for it. I may open myself up to a can of drama, but...it's no surprise to anyone who knows us in person that it's not uncommon for all six of us sleep in one room. During summer, I'll lie down with P1 and P3 on an air mattress while Pdaddy, P2, and P4 sleep on the bunks. I love the snuggling and small whispers and murmur of a family reading books to kids. In my mind, these moments should be cherished. And, just so it's clear...any of the children can choose to sleep in their own room. The family bed is not a requirement. We've found that, during school seasons, the kids retreat, on their own, to their beds. That's cool, too.
4. "We spanked you and you turned out okay! The Bible says, "Spare
the rod, spoil the child" after all."
The Bible also says to stone unruly children. Why should we take any advice in the Bible as a primer for raising children. I don't spank because I think it's damaging to the child's emotional growth. In my opinion (and I know some will disagree), spanking gives the child the impression that being big means controlling those smaller by violence. It also teaches the child to fear their parent. By spanking, you undermine the idea that discipline should be logical. If a kid, for instance, covers a wall in crayon, then you hand them a tooth brush, some soap and water, and make them clean up their graffiti. Spanking them, in that example, does nothing to help them understand logical consequences. And, last but not least, if you get to a point where you're spanking, then you've just shown a child that you can't control your own behavior.
5. "When my children were babies, we gave them:
rice cereal in bottles when they were six weeks old.
a little rum in their milk to help teething.
formula with Karo Syrup so they'd sleep through the night.
There are probably more, but you get my point. As I said in Amy's blog, in cases like these, I think it's a grandparent's attempt to justify the not-so-great things to their own children. Things do change from generation to generation, but not reading the current literature or ignoring current studies on infancy (or any other stage in childhood) is ignorant. Doing something simply because your parents/grandparents/older friends and relatives did it is stupid.
6. "I know you didn't want me to do this, but..."
I came to hate those words because it always meant they'd done something I specifically asked them not to do. If you know a mother/father doesn't want you to do certain things, then why do them?
What unsolicited advice did you get?