Friday, May 16, 2008

Hovind Blogs

Man, oh man...the longer this guy is in prison, the goofier his blog entries get. I'm referring to Kent Hovind, aka Dr. Dino.

The title of his last entry (on May 13th) is "God's last name is not DAMN" (emphasis is his). It appears that Hovind is not only still speaking as if he were God, but that he's also playing the role of biblical characters now. It's like a really twisted one-man passion play, with Hovind (or whatever incarnation of Biblical martydom he's currently fanticizing about) playing the oppressed, persecuted victim.

John: What about all the good I’ve done?
God: Even the “good” that you
do looks like filthy rags in my sight (Isaiah 64:6). I keep a record of all your
thoughts, John (Psalm 94:11; Isaiah 66:18; Matthew 9:4; 12:25). You will face an
entirely new set of charges because of your lust (Matthew 5:28; II Peter 2:14).
I record what you watch on TV as well (Psalm 101:3). I take these things very
seriously.

How bizarre is this? Forget the fact that he's clearly psychotic...since when is God the ultimate Nielson Ratings Guy In the Sky? Would a deity seriously care that you watched an episode of Deadliest Catch instead of the 700 Club?

God: I accept you as My child. Your sins are forgiven. You now have eternal life
(John 3:15-16; 5:24).
John: Thank you, God.
God: John, now you can call
Me, Father. John. And now that you are My child, let’s hear that prayer you
started to pray earlier.
John: Wow! Dear Heavenly Father, that sounds too
good to be true! Dear Father, I need you to bless me and my family.
God: Be
specific, Son. What exactly do you need?


John - "A better attorney and soap on a rope." Hey! Who says I can't start creating my own dialogue?

On top of God recording your television habits like a celestial Tivo, he also is a self-obsessed God who has never heard the old "Sticks and stones" adage. He's apparently pretty pissy when it comes to throwing in some additional verbiage with his name.
Every time I hear you say, “God damn,” I write it down and say, “I will,
John, I will” (Leviticus 18:21; 19:12; 24:10-16).
I’ve also heard you
laugh
when others use My name in vain. All those who take pleasure in
unrighteousness
will be damned (Romans 1:32; II Thessalonians 2:12). You’d
better read those
verses carefully, John. This is your indictment. They will
be used at your
trial. After your trial you will be sentenced. It will be a
fearful thing to
fall into the hands of an angry God (Hebrews 10:31)!

So much for a perfectly just god. Justice would be facing God and having him call you Kent Fucking Hovind or Kent Damn It! "Jesus, Mary, and Hovind!", anyone?
John: But God, nearly everyone talks like I do. All my friends curse and
swear.
God: They will also be judged.
John: What about all the good I’ve
done?

God: I don't care if they fed the pygmies... did you hear what he called me? I'm taking my heavenly-toys and going home!

See...I can do this, too.
God: John, now you can call Me, Father. John. And now that you are My child,
let’s hear that prayer you started to pray earlier.

Is anyone else starting to get a very kinky, strange vibe off this?

If you're a glutton for punishment and want some laughs, I recommend checking out Hovind's blog entry for May 9th, entitled..."Baaaaaaahhhhhhhhh" (as in sheep). I'll leave you to your own snarky commentary on that one. Anytime an imprisoned minister starts blogging about sheep, circumcision, and delivering stuff out of his mouth, I'm out!

9 comments:

ozatheist said...

methinks Hovind should be locked up in a padded cell. perhaps being 'Big Bubbas Bitch' is messing with his mind?

smellincoffee said...

I used to watch his videos when I was a fundy, and he'd lapse into little "talking to God" episodes in those, too.

That guy must be unbelievably bored sitting around in a jail all day, though. It's a wonder that blog doesn't update dozens of times a day, although I suppose he doesn't get that much internet access.

paulh said...

Maybe there's some method to this madness - if he carries on like this long enough maybe someone in charge will come to the conclusion that his continued incarceration constitutes cruel and unusual punishment of his fellow inmates and/or a health and safety hazard to prison staff.

the agnostic rationalist said...

I read the May 9th sheep posting and in the comments someone wrote a poem in honor of Expelled/Ben Stein that starts out with 'Leaving cares of sheep behind
Walking softly comes Ben Stein'. The level of stupid over there burns so bad that I will never, ever visit that blog again.

I didn't think it was possible for something to actually be worse than Ray Comfort's blog, but I was wrong.

Milo Johnson said...

Hovind's just getting impatient waiting for his imaginary friend to finally come beat the crap out of everyone who has doubted his own di(no)vinity.

Kathy said...

I browsed a few of his posts. Can that guy say "self-loathing"?

Nate said...

We're more convinced every time we visit CSEblogs that Hovind is the funniest man alive. And I agree, it's gotten even more amusing as the cast of characters expand.

Did you see that ridiculous Hovind's Heroes "All Call" a few posts back??? PURE COMEDY.

From what we can surmise, an “All Call” is apparently Hovind’s deranged biblical version of a comic book superhero roundup.
http://www.nateanddi.com/?p=280
My wife cracked me up with her artwork for that post!

Anyhow, thanks for the laughs... I'm glad to see that me and the wife aren't the only bloggers still amused by the goldmine of hilarity over at Hovind's blog!

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

I think that all that solitude, cramped living quarters, bad food and man attention is having a serious psychological effect on old Kent.

I mean, he was pretty insane before but that is some prime kookoo stuff there.

JT said...

There's nothing worse then a crazed preacher, except for one that's locked up apparently. You'd think he has more time to get his crap straight before he spews.