Saturday, March 08, 2008

A serious matter and plea.

Pmom, I wish you were my mom. I read your blog every day and
always wish I was a possum. I am 17 and live with my mom who has two kids
with my stepdad. When my mom married my SD she became
pentacostal. ..............i don't know what you know about
pentacosts. Do u know much about the belief? They are strict about
to many things. I don't believe.......My dad was agnostic before he
died in 2005. I miss him very much. I'm stalling because I have
something I want advice on................ I want to ask you this and if
you post it I will take anything you answer. I got news that I'm
pregnant. I'm scared and alone and my mom & SD are going to kick me
out. They will say I'm a bad influence. I think you are young
so did you have P1 before getting married? What did you do......... I am
scared and I feel alone. Telling my mom is not what I look forward to so
much that I don't know if I can tell her. I don't know what I want to do
and I know she will pressure me into getting married or an
adoption................... My feeling on abortion is that it's not for
me. My boyfriend is from an UU family with parents who are easy to talk
to. I'm afraid they won't like this and it will change the welcome I feel
around them..................... Do you think it will? I'm
scared. Am I ready to be a mom......... Were u ready? How do you
know if u r ready? What am I going to do..........i want to finish school
and go to college. My boyfriend says he will support me but he wants me to
tell his parents when he's gone to his college interview in April...i'll be 12
weeks then....he is afraid like me. Please answer me...i feel alone.
I miss my dad..............mom did not know i was having sex...............she
freaked when I asked her about THE PILL. I don't blame her for me getting
pregnant.......it's my fault. I have screwed up everyone's life huh?
I'm so sorry for this thing I've done. Will u help me? Do u know
people who might know what I can do?

Please answer!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chelsea


Chelsea, sweetie: first, you need to take a breath. If you give me a way to contact you via e-mail or phone, then I will make it a priority to get in touch with you. Since you didn't leave any contact info in your comment, I am left to answer it in public here. But, I really want to talk to you privately. That said... since you asked me to post, I will do so. I have a feeling that others, here, will have some useful advice or perspective (as this tends to be a compassionate and inteligent group).

Pmom, I wish you were my mom. I read your blog every day and always
wish I was a possum.


I'm flattered, really. However, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes just like any other mother.

When my mom married my SD she became pentacostal. ..............i
don't know what you know about pentacosts. Do u know much about the
belief
?


I have some understanding of that particular religion.

I don't believe.......My dad was agnostic before he died in
2005. I miss him very much.


I know you do. And, I know that loss can be devestating.
I got news that I'm pregnant. I'm scared and alone and my mom & SD are
going to kick me out. They will say I'm a bad influence.


*hugs* Even women who are married and TRYING to get pregnant can get spooked by the prospect of having a child. The fact that you understand how big this is is a good sign. As for your mom kicking you out: I suppose it's possible. But, it's also possible that she will be more understanding and helpful than you imagine. I think much of it will boil down to how you approach her and what you bring to the table. You can't control her response (or your step dad's response): the best you can do is control how you tell them and present the issue with grace and understanding for their position. I'm not trying to put salt in a wound, but I think you need to consider their perspective if you want any chance of coming across as the mature young woman I know you to be. Mothers rarely want, or expect, that they will have to watch their own daughters become mothers before they graduate high school. From the moment you were born, I'm guessing your mom had visions of you going through life's phases (including becoming a mother) in a certain order and in an idyllic fashion. You mom is going to grieve and you need to allow her the space to do that. Understand, I'm not saying that you're intentionally hurting anyone or that you have no right to be scared or even that this will be easy or that babies/pregnancies at your age are 100% horrible and tragic. What I'm saying is that you have a better shot of getting the help and consideration you need if you acknowledge that your mom will have lost that dream she had for you.

You have an opportunity to acknowledge that this wasn't planned or ideal, yet, show your mother (and step dad) that you've thought about how this will impact your family. If you can get them to understand that you realize that this is not what they wanted to hear, then they might respect your attempts to act like an adult. This can only be a good thing. If, after you've addressed their loss (of the future they imagined for you), they still think you're a bad influence and want to kick you out, then you can live your life knowing that you carried yourself in a manner undeserving of such harsh treatment. On that note, I know how scared you are and that's justifiable. But, give your mom a chance. She might surprise you. If she does kick you out, then that's a bridge you can cross when your path takes you there. But, don't invite the fears of your imagination or things you can't control. I have some other thoughts that I'll cover in another paragraph.

I think you are young so did you have P1 before getting married?


I had to consult with P1 before I answered this because it's her history and her story just as much as it's my story. But, yes...I was not married when I gave birth to P1. I was, however, out of high school and already on my own. Still, my parents were hurt and concerned: they didn't exactly handle it as if it were the desired path because, frankly, it wasn't. But, with hindsight being 20/20, I know that there anger arose from fear and disappointment. And, they got over it. I have to say that even with the somewhat rocky environment I grew up in: my parents handled my announcement with as much sympathy as they could muster. That's all you can hope for. And, you have to give your family the chance to fail, or flourish, before you start imagining how awful it could be.

What did you do......... I am scared and I feel alone.

I cried. I vented to friends. I took the criticisms and offers for help with the knowledge that both reactions were coming from people I loved (and who loved me). If Robin is reading this, then she can tell you what a difficult time this was for me and how scared I was. Feeling scared is perfectly acceptable, but...I'd like to suggest that you see that for the good thing it is: having a child SHOULD instill some fear in you. That's healthy. You're taking on the responsibility of someone's life. The choices you make, every moment, from here on out will directly affect your child - that thought petrified me. But, you are NOT alone. You're not the first teen to get pregnant and you're certainly not going to be the last. Furthermore, I suspect that you will find that most people genuinely want to help you. There are going to be some judgemental assholes who will try to make you feel bad. But, there will also be people who step-up and stand by you. You have to take the bad with the good and decide which is more meaningful to you.

Telling my mom is not what I look forward to so much that I don't know if I
can tell her.


You can. You will. And, you must. Think about it, my friend. Do you honestly think you can go more than a few months without telling her? Pregnancies have a way of becoming obvious. If you have decided to continue this pregnancy, then you're going to have to say something to your mom. I don't think anyone in your position looks forward to telling their parent(s). And, no one who's been in your position envies you right now. If you're going to parent, then you need to start making mature/responsible decisions. Telling your family is the first of those mature activities. If you think the reaction might be too over-whelming, then I would strongly recommend asking someone to be there to act as a support for you. If you can swing it, you might also want to make sure that you have a friend of your mother come by to support her. Having trusted friends with you when you drop this bomb will lower the odds that either of you will say things you will totally regret later on. Additionally, timing really is everything. Don't do this in a public place. Don't do it in front of your younger sibs. Choose a time and place that will allow you both to devote the time that this is going to require. Does that make sense?

I don't know what I want to do and I know she will pressure me into getting
married or an adoption.


I think it's imperative that you make some key decisions before talking to your mom. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and figure out the basics. Do you want to get married? Are you ready for that? Is the relationship something you see as a long term thing? The worst thing you can do is marry this guy if you didn't see yourself with him for the rest of your life. A child isn't going to guarantee you a happy marriage and, in fact, it's unfair to the child to create a home wherein you're both wishing you'd chosen differently. Kids shouldn't come into the world and bear that burden. You really do have to take this pregnancy out of the equation when it comes to discussing marriage. They're separate issues. Your parents can't force you to marry. End of story. They might prefer that, but... you, and your child, will be the one who lives with that choice, not your folks. Therefore, it's not for them to demand or encourage without your consent. Don't compound problems.

My boyfriend is from an UU family with parents who are easy to talk
to. I'm afraid they won't like this and it will change the welcome I feel
around them..................... Do you think it will?


I don't know. But, I do want to say that I see something positive here. If his parents are easy to talk to, then you might want to consider telling them first. They may be able to help. They might want to help. Give them a chance. You really have nothing to lose.

OF COURSE this pregnancy is going to change relationships. There's no two ways around that. Even planned pregnancies between two, married, upwardly mobile adults changes the dynamics of families. The only thing you can control is how you present yourself to these people and how you react.

I'm scared. Am I ready to be a mom......... Were u ready? How do
you know if u r ready?


Only you can answer the first question. Are you ready?
I was ready AND scared.
If you've chosen to have this baby and parent it, then you have no choice but to choose to *be* ready. Read everything you can get your hands on about pregnancy and parenting. Ready yourself. Build a support system. Set some boundaries and expectations and be open about them. If you do those simple things, then you'll be ten steps ahead of most people who get pregnant (married or not).

What am I going to do..........i want to finish school and go to
college.

Then you will finish school and go to college. Having a child will make this process more difficult, but definitely not impossible.

My boyfriend says he will support me but he wants me to tell his
parents when he's gone to his college interview in April...i'll be 12 weeks
then....he is afraid like me.


Ok. If your boyfriend truly wants to support you, then he will man-up and tell his parents himself. Wanting to dump that difficult task on you and you alone is completely uncalled for. I don't know him, given, but...that's no cool, Chelsea. That's unfair of him to ask and you need to demand better than that. You didn't get yourself pregnant.

I have screwed up everyone's life huh? I'm so sorry for this thing
I've done.

You haven't screwed up everyone's life. You've possibly made a few bad choices and, for better or worse, those choices will change your life. But, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. It's NOT the end of the world. You are responsible for you (and this pregnancy/potential child) - that's it. If anyone elses life gets "screwed up" in this process, then that's their choice.

Hang in there, Chelsea. This *is* big. But, it's not insurmountable. Take this one moment at a time and climb each hill as it presents itself. I'm here for you (as I'm sure are others). *BIG HUGS*

22 comments:

Sean the Blogonaut F.C.D. said...

Excellent response Pmomma( as usual). Chelsea might want to also checkout any free services in the area that might be able to help. Maybe she could search online. Then she can argue her decision from a researched standpoint.

Atheist in a mini van. said...

That's great advice, Sean. Thanks for bringing that up...I meant to tell Chelsea the same thing but forgot.

Poodles said...

I agree with everything you said Pmomma, great response.

I think also she might need to realize that if her BF is having a hard time telling his parents himself he might not be emotionally ready yet for marriage. That is something only they can decide, but don't let anyone (parents included) push you into marriage on top of parenthood. Being mom will be stressful enough but being a mom and a wife might be too much right now. The parent decision is already made, you have lots of time to make the marriage decision even if it happens after you have the baby or years from now.

Best of luck. My mom was a single mom with me, it wasn't always easy and she wasn't perfect but we did just fine until she met my adoptive dad when I was 9.

Leanne in AZ said...

Chelsea,
I had my first child at 17 so I can bring a bit of personal experience to this. You may find your mother suprises you. I wanted nothing to do with telling my mother and avoided it until I was almost 3 months along and it really couldn't be avoided anymore. And yes, she was shocked, disappointed and took time to adjust. But she did get there and became a wonderful source of support even though her husband was definitely not.
If you want to complete school and go on to college it can be done. I went back to high school when my daughter was 2 months old. It was difficult and I didn't sleep as much as I might have liked, but it is very much doable.
Most towns have social service agencies of one sort or another that can help, even if it's just someone to talk to.
I would agree with PMomma that it's not your responsibility to tell your boyfriend's parents although my first thought was that both of you should do that. On further thought, I think I agree with PMomma. He probably needs to be the first one to discuss this with them.
Gather a support system of friends and family around you and know that you can do this, whatever choice you make.

reddhedd said...

Chelsea,

This line "I'm so sorry for this thing I have done." really bothers me.
"This thing" is a normal, natural part of life and love. It's not some horrible sin or crime.(I know some will tell you otherwise, but you and I know they're wrong, don't we?)
Yes, taking precautions to avoid pregnancy while you explore your very human sexuality might have been a better choice, but you haven't screwed up the world, or your life. You've just made a few choices that took you down a path you were hoping to postpone for a while. So what? You still have goals, and the right to reach for them. It'll take some extra work on your behalf, but what a great life lesson to give your child, right?

Don't beat yourself up over this. It's not the end of the world.

Tell your mom; she really can be your greatest source of comfort and support. I told mine, alone, in a quiet moment. She wasn't happy with me,(I was 16) but she also realized how scared I was, and stood by me, taking me to doctors and such.

And, BTW, is your boyfriend gonna tell your mom? No? Then why should you, the pregnant one, be appointed to tell his, plus yours, with all the attendant emotional upheaval it entails?

Tell that boy to step up! If he's man enough to have unprotected sex (where was his condom?) then he can certainly be a man and shoulder the responsibility of apprising his own family of the situation.

Also, UUs are pretty open-minded...his parents will likely be disappointed, but probably won't judge you as harshly as your pentacostal DH might.

I really think you'll be fine. See how you reached out to total strangers? You're already taking steps to prepare for your baby.
hugs
redd

Stacey said...

My first question is: How pentacostal, and which kind?

I agree with the advice about telling the BF's parents first, but if BF won't even be supportive enough to be there when you tell BOTH parents (if you wish,) then he is NOT marriage material yet. This baby is 1/2 his DNA. He should share in the telling.

I don't know what I would have done as a teenager, had I gotten pregnant. My parents were Jehovah's Witness, and would likely have shunned me- at the church's instruction.

Raising the child is an option, as is adoption. Raising it will be easier if you have some sort of parental support- his or yours, but lots of women do it on their own every day. Once you know what kind of help and time the families are willing to give, you will have better information to help you decide.

And if you feel like praying about this, pray. I'm an atheist myself, but feel that there is value in meditative practices- even prayer- to help calm the spirit and focus the thoughts.

Best of luck to you. If your parents do get all fundamentalist fanatic on you, feel free to contact me. I don't know how much I can help, but I lived the fundie life, so I do understand.

Matthew said...

Chelsea,
It's hard and scary, but can be worth it. Aside from all the wonderful advice Pmomma and others have given, I want to emphasize that with a little hard work, everything can be fine. It's not easy. It's very hard, but far far from hopeless.

I was in much the same situation, albeit I'm a guy. And I have a girl friend who was in almost the exact position you are, except her boyfriend was also abusive. She's currently in college and her daughter's two. Between both of us it's readily apparent that hard work and being positive was key to making it through the hard times.

fsmismyhero said...

I hate that people are made to feel guilty about a perfectly normal and healthy part of life!

One thing that I don't believe anyone has mentioned yet is please make sure that you are getting proper health care during your pregnancy. Many teen mothers neglect this because they are afraid that their parents will find out from the doctor. If you feel that you cannot go to your family physician, please consider Planned Parenthood (I'm assuming that you live in the U.S.) or something of the sort. It is soooo important for your health and the baby's that you are being monitored throughout your pregnancy.
I had several friends go though the same thing as teens. They made it through and you will too.

David in FL said...

I'd want to talk to your BF's parents, and to hell with waiting. You need someone to talk to, and he needs to understand that being a parent requires making hard decisions and not postponing them.

Obviously, my perspective is limited, but of everything you said, that's the biggest red flag. To put it more gently to him, say something like "I know you don't want to talk yo your parents yet, but I need to talk to them."

You also might need his parents to help you tell yours. Again, I don't know the personalities beyond the few words you've shared, but if you're really scared that your parents will flip out, having some other adults present for the dénouement can help a lot.

Do try to schedule it sooner rather than later; unpleasant as it is, you've got enough to worry about without "don't let mom figure it out" as well. And morning sickness could blow your cover unexpectedly.

As for Sean's response, there are lots of services available, but be cautious about widely advertised "teen pregnancy crisis" services; around here, a lot of them are scams run by churches who string people along until it's too late to have an abortion and then drop them like yesterday's news.

Even without their anti-abortion mania (which wouldn't be a problem for you), they're (in)famous for not actually providing useful prenatal care or even information.

I'd call Planned Parenthood and see who they refer me to, because I know they won't lie to me.

Gramomster said...

Hi Chelsea,

I'm a grandma. My daughter had a baby boy right after she turned 16, so I've got the mom-of-teen-mom perspective. Being the liberal, understanding person I am, I just hugged her, and told her that it was her decision to make, I'd help her find information on all of her options, and stand by her choice. My grandson is almost 2, and is the love of my life.

That being said... she has more than a couple of friends who have gotten kicked out of their homes, and it sounds like that is a realistic concern for you. There is help out there if that happens, and often there are even programs that provide housing, medical care and parenting support to teen moms who've been kicked out.

My daughter's boyfriend's parents were a nightmare. None of them religious either! They didn't want to tell his parents, and even with me pushing them every day to do it or I would, it took them so long to get up the nerve, that his mom found out by snooping his myspace. DO NOT let it get to this point! As Pmomma pointed out, in order to present yourself in the most mature, thoughtful way to parents who are, yes, going to feel any number of difficult emotions, you need to tell them all ASAP. As others have pointed out, the sooner you have told a parent, the sooner you will begin to get appropriate prenatal care. This is incredibly important. The earlier you begin prenatal care, the better it will be for your baby.

I too will reiterate what others have said: boyfriend needs to be there with you to tell his parents, or he needs to tell his parents. It is unconscionable to expect you to do that on your own.

Now... you asked a couple of other, more abstract questions...


Are you too young to be a mom? Can you finish high school and go to college? That all depends on YOU. There is no magic number that makes on ready, or old enough, to be a mom.

One of my best college friends had her daughter at 17. She was 7 months pregnant at graduation. Now, as you are 17, and it is March, I suspect you are a senior. If not, you're a junior. Either way, you should have no trouble finishing high school. My friend took a year, then went to community college, got her nursing degree, and is still a single mom. Her kids are 17 and 11. She is an amazing woman who never lost sight of her goals, and her early baby was a motivator for her.

Then I've known women who had kids in their 30s, and ignored them, and yelled, and drank too much... and were just shitty mothers. Age is nothing magical when it comes to parenting. You either commit to your kids, or you stay focused on yourself, regardless. Unfortunately, my daughter proved to be one of those. She's moved out, leaving me and her dad the baby. She's out partying and carousing, and I have no idea even where she's staying. She doesn't have a lot of contact with me. We've been really close, and this just breaks my heart, but the little guy is my first priority now. I certainly didn't plan on starting over as a parent at 42, but, like I said... love of my life.

What I want you to understand, in a nutshell, is that you can pursue any dream you have. That baby can make a goal even stronger, because now you'll be doing for both of you. If the boyfriend doesn't step up, if he can't even face his own parents, you may very well find yourself a single mom. That's okay. There are a lot of strong, wonderful people out there who are single moms. Also, colleges love single moms. There is financial aid that most people your age can't get that being a parent makes you eligible for. Many universities have low-cost onsite childcare, usually very high quality. Many also have on-campus family housing, which may reduce your eventual cost of living while pursuing your degree. I went through school with kids, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I made lifelong friends, as did my kids.

Check around your area, too. There may be an alternative high school program, not necessarily for teen moms, but that offers onsite daycare. We have one here in Grand Rapids. The program caters to all kinds of kids that have not succeeded in regular programs, and allows them to work at a more independent pace. And they have free daycare for the teen parents who go there.

If you want to contact me, I can perhaps help you with figuring out how/where to search your area for good help and options. (grmom23@yahoo.com)

And, all those who stated that sexuality is a normal part of life are absolutely right! This is not a horrible thing you've done! You are a human young woman. Sex is a normal and natural part of your life. I also second the looking out for those "crisis centers" bit of advice. We had to go to one to get my daughter an ultrasound to find out how far along she was. Beyond that service, they were, ummmm..... unhelpful.

Best of luck to you... It will be fine... but tell the parents!!! And let us know...


Quick note to reddhedd...
Please don't assume that they didn't use condoms. My daughter and her boyfriend had a condom break. My other best college friend has three kids: condom, cervical cap, and pill, conceived at 20, 25 and 28 years of age. They are rated at less than 100% efficacy because all methods have some degree of failure. I think this is one of the assumptions teen moms in particular have to face, that they weren't using protection.

reddhedd said...

gramomster,

Good point; I stand corrected. I assumed, based on the boyfriend's apparent immaturity facing the pregnancy to which he contributed, that his immaturity would also extend to personal safety.

Peace,
redd

Betsy said...

Chelsea, I just have a few comments. First of all, kudos for being so brave so far. I had strict religious parents as a teenager as well and I can imagine what you might be facing.
If you decide to keep the baby and want to go to college after high school, do it!! Don't think it's not an option; there are so many out there. It sounds like you are a senior or junior? If you like, check out my school as one of your options. www.smwc.edu. They have on-campus housing for single mothers with community kitchens, etc..., childcare and it's a 4-year college with a variety of programs. It's in the middle of IN, beautiful campus (old buildings, though) and my dealings with them over the last 3.5 years have been terrific. It began as a convent, but it is no longer affiliated with the Catholic church, so don't worry about religion being pushed on you there.

Maybe that was too much of a stump for my school, but one thing I have always loved about it is that it is a women's college and they are supportive of unconventional students. :) As someone else pointed out as well, don't let finances stop you from going to college; there are so many grant and loan opportunities.

Good luck!!

Chelsea said...

Thank you for the advice. More thanks to pmomma for talking to me on the phone. You pumped me up and I knew I you were going to be there when I was done telling them the news. You don't know how that made me feel.

His mom came with me to tell my mom. My parents think I should give up the baby and act like I never had it after. My parents wanted a paternity test because they're sure I've been sleeping around. I'm not doing that. I have only had sex with one person ever ever. His parents said I could stay there and they would help when they could.

Anonymous said...

I agree with all of the advice given so far. I would like to second the suggestion of going to Planned Parenthood and staying away from Crisis centers.

I had a scare, thinking I was pregnant, and the crisis center played me a terrible video (which I shut off when they left) while I waited for the results of a pregnancy test just like one I could have bought at the store myself. When the test came back negative, they escorted me out.

After another week went by without a period, I went to Planned Parenthood. They were wonderful to me. No member of the staff ever mentioned abortion. They instead focused on my mental health while we waited for the tests to come back. When they came back negative, they began the process to find out why I wasn't menstruating. They figured it out and started treating me. I had no insurance, but it was very affordable.

Anonymous said...

The above comment is from amarullis. For some reason I could not enter a name after clicking the Name/URL button...

Joy said...

Chelsea,

I'm so sorry that your parents are not acting in a supportive manner, but it sounds like you have handled this situation with maturity and calm. Good for you.

I'd suggest perhaps finding a support group for young mothers in your area (not religiously based, if possible) - it might help to discuss your concerns/fears with other girls in the same situation as yourself.

Gramomster said...

Reddhedd,

It's a common assumption. No worries. I've known quite a few teens who've gotten pregnant in the last couple years as my daughter has gotten to 'that age', and interestingly enough, it seems to be the guys who, ummmm... religiously use condoms who are the ones who become sketchy when an 'accident' happens. They are trying to prevent it, and it happens anyway, and they freak. Weird.

Peace,
Gramomster

Atheist in a mini van. said...

Chelsea,
You are very, very welcome. Anytime you need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen. I know your parents did react the way we all hoped they'd react to you, but...you do have his parents and from what I heard, his mother sounds incredibly supportive. Just remember what I told you about allowing everyone involved to grieve what is changing and what will never be the same again. You mentioned that your mom and dad are afraid this will keep you from going to college - you've got a ton of advice here. I would sit down and study the options and then, in a calm manner, present the data you've found to your mom and step-dad. Show them that there are many ways to pay for your education and, I hate to say it, but...you will now be considered an adult for the purposes of the FAFSA. You won't have to claim your parents income. This will open more doors for loans and grant monies. It might also be wise to call the universities you've applied to and see what options they have for housing (with a child in the mix). I suspect that your parents are afraid of the unknown. They don't know how you're going to handle this. They don't know if you'll finish school. They don't know how you're going to live and where you'll get your necessities from. For ANY parent, that's worrisome...it is now your job to put some time in researching this options, both for you and them. Give them a bit of time to process this. That said, we touched on this but I want to reiterate - DO NOT wear that cross that they want to hang on you. What you did was ill-timed, possibly even "irresponsible" and untimely - but, you can't wallow in the guilt or disappointment. You can't afford to -you're going to be someone's mother very shortly and that means moving forward. What's done is done. We're measured by what we do when faced with adversity: so, take up that challenge to shine.

I was also happy to say a few words to your boyfriend. He's just as scared as you are, if not more. You guys need to talk...but, give it a few days. Whatever decisions he makes are HIS. Your decisions are YOURS. But, try to remember that you will now be linked to him for the rest of your life. And, if you want the best for your child, you'll both surround him/her with positive influences and choices.

I also want to say that I really, really, really think you ought to consider his mom's offer. I know you're worried about being "told what to do", but...I don't think that's what her goal is. I truly believe she's wanting you guys to look to her for help. Don't turn away that level of interest or help from someone who's emotionally invested in a positive way. *HUGS* Talk to you again, soon.

Becca said...

OH, Cjhelsea, honey, I am sorry your parents are making this seem like its all your fault and you did a bad thing. PLEASE take some of these great people up on the offers of support, and sounds like your bf's mom is there for you too. HUG

Joe said...

My immature high school droput step daugher got pregnant and an argument can be made that it shaped her right up. She's become more mature than I would have given her a chance at. My grandbaby is very well taken care of. My stepdaughter is a great mom So, Chelsea, you are not too young to have a baby and raise one if you put your mind to it. Only you can really judge your maturity level and willingness to sacrifice. And, I assure you, it is a sacrifice to have a baby.
I'll add that my stepdaughter married the baby daddy and they've got #2 on the way. My son in law is in his early 20's and employed in a union job, so he's able to take care of them financially. And, they've gotten nothing but support from the parents involved and I'll say as the step dad that I love the baby and the one coming.
Good luck in your process.

Shar said...

I just want to pipe real quick that if you decide to give up your child like your parents want, it isn't going to be something that you can just forget. A lot of teen girls in the 1950s and 1960s were told that they could give their baby up for adoption to someone "more worthy" and they could just move on and forget and one day have babies of their own. But, a lot of them found that they couldn't just forget, and that they really weren't encouraged to mourn for the child they lost. A lot of them had problems that they were forced to bury for years.

Make the best choice for you and your baby (your maturity in approaching this tells me you are more than "worthy" to take care of this child if that's what you want), but please don't go into adoption thinking it'll be an easy fix. It may end up being your favorite option, but that's your call in the end.

At the very least, it sounds like you have some good people on your side. :)

marc said...

My girlfriend (now wife) had to leave her parents' house at 17, though there was no pregnancy involved. We found my parents to be very supportive. She was important to me, so she was important to them. They gave her a place to stay until she found her own place. They gave her as much help getting through college as they gave me.

Had she and I been pregnant, they would have done whatever we needed to see that their grandchild had what she needed, and that we had what we needed. If your boyfriend has is committed to you and the child, you may find his parents to be as supportive as you wish your were. And your's may surprise you as well.