Sunday, January 20, 2008

Too good to be true?

I won't say where, because I don't want to be the cause of public, in-your-face, Easter snark and chaos, but... oh man, oh man, oh man: I wish I didn't have lupus. I mean, I pretty much wish I didn't have this disease in general, but it's things like this church bulletin that make me really loathe the limitations.

"This year, via crucis will be performed by our fourth grade communion class. Please contact Sr. Mary******* at ***-**** ext. ** to find out what you can do to help. We're looking for seamstresses and craftsmen. Help us make this the best Lent performance ever. In lieu of labor, donations can be put in the common collection plate using the special envelope in your pew back. "

Ok. Wait, wait, wait...*giggles uncontrollably*...they're going to do the stations of the cross using nine and ten year old kids? Holy crap! For the non-ex-Catholic among us, the stations of the cross include the following scenes:

1. Christ is condemned to death
2. the cross is laid upon him;
3. His first fall;
4. He meets His Blessed Mother;
5. Simon is made to bear the cross;
6. Christ's face is wiped by Veronica;
7. His second fall;
8. He meets the women of Jerusalem;
9. His third fall;
10. He is stripped of His garments;
11. His crucifixion;
12. His death on the cross;
13. His body is taken down from the cross; and
laid in the tomb.
14. The Easter Bunny rolls back the rock and if he sees his shadow there's ten more days of....ooops, Sorry.

I would give good money to see how they manage to do 10-12 with children? My brain keeps referring me back to the nativity play days of CCD. While I always found it a bit raunchy to have children acting out the birth of Christ in a dirty manger, the real fun was in watching the whole debacle go horribly awry. This just has so many more possibilities for complete and total meltdown. I always thought the stations were gory enough when they were relegated to rendering in wood or metal or window glass. I say, if Precious Moments can't make it into a statue, then you probably shouldn't recruit ten year old children.

11 comments:

Jim said...

My own recollection of the passion revolves around nearly passing out from the combination of boredom and the ultra high CO2 levels in the church. The boredom is easy to visualize for a seven-year-old. The CO2 levels were the result of mounds of incense burning on the altar and the eight hundred lapsed Catholics jamming the church on the one day a year that they would all show up. Simultaneously. I hadn't even made my first communion yet, and it was already the beginning of the end. ;-)

holliwud517 said...

LMAO @ the Precious Moments comment. Maybe the next thing to come out would be a Precious Moments coloring book or "paint with water" book depicting it?

fdqpink said...

To completely lower the tone
9 and 10 year olds getting nailed
sounds like the catholic church to me

Jen said...

How sad. I'm sure it will be a G-rated, cartoonish version of the passion, but it's still despicable to use children this way.

Tanya said...

Anybody else having flashbacks to the manger scene from South Park? Complete with Wendy making pushing sounds?? rofl!

John said...

I was Jesus in the stations of the cross when I was 12.

I thought (at the time) it was great fun. I was a wannbe actor.

Katie said...

oh man I remember they attempted to do this once when I was a catholic school girl. Truly hilarious.

Brigit said...

I also grew up RC, and went to a catholic high school (with nuns and all), so I'm pretty desensitized to their kind of macabre stuff. I've been in endless nativity plays and Lent festivals with the stations of the cross played up.
For me it was just acting some stuff before the good stuff (food and music with my friends).
I didn't think much about it until after leaving the flock (of dodos)but now I just find it silly.
Maybe it's different in Latin American RC churches?

Midnight_RN said...

I remember walking in groups of 10 or 12 from station to station in our church and for me at least, I was just happy to be out of class for a while, it dindn't mean anything. So I can see what the school is trying to do--Make "history" come alive in the minds of the children.
Oh, and fdqpink, that was so wrong man ;) LMAO

Marcy said...

This whole Veronica thing. Is that just a Catholic made-up thing? I was raised Protestant and I never heard of such a thing. I remember several years ago seeing an ad for a play or something called Veronica's Veil. I had no idea what it was.

Not that the Protestants don't make stuff up, and not that religion in general isn't made up, but it seems that Protestants stick to the book more than Catholics.

Go Amie said...

In my (Pittsburgh, PA) Catholic school the fourth grade performed this (commonly called the "Passion Play") every Lent. It was a big deal to be picked to play Jesus or Mary.

Of course, if you were one of the apostles you got to eat bread during the reenactment of the Last Supper. So that was nice too.

Honestly, the stations of the cross are so watered down that the whole thing was meaningless. Students just wanted the "starring roles".