Friday, May 25, 2007

Poor little Kent Hovind.

http://www.cseblogs.com/?p=73
For those who don't know, Kent Hovind is an avid Creationist who was sent to the pokey' for federal tax evasion and tax fraud. Kent, like most self-righteous, degree mill ministers, is not the type to take his punishment like a man and do the time for the crime. Instead, he makes pathetic calls to his wife (in which, when she questions his culpability and willingness to acknowledge a wrong, he has the audacity to tell her that she's just not faithful enough). He also keeps a blog...from prison; from multiple prisons! His latest entry is quite entertaining.
His statements (from the link above) are in red...my commentary in black.

Sorry it has been so long for this update. I have been moved several times, and my mail has not followed me. It has been weeks since I have gotten mail. Someone decided I should be separated from another inmate who is apparently fighting the IRS so that we don’t get involved in “criminal activity.” We have different judges and different issues and I am sure that neither of us want to get in any “criminal activity” separately or together.

Does this man not realize that he is in jail? Does he seriously believe that the warden's top priority is making sure he gets his mail in a timely manner? And, I love how he thinks it's a vast conspiracy against HIM that the government would want to separate two IRS criminals. Hey Kent--- maybe they do that because CRIMINALS have histories of ENGAGING IN CRIMINAL ACTIVITY! This isn't some hypothetical situation where they throw two unknowns in a room and wait to see what happens. Odds are, if you are in the slammer for federal tax fraud (and continually trying to use semantics to untangle your web of crime), then there is a certain amount of recidivism!

I had begun sharing Christ with this man and he was beginning to ask questions. Although I barely know him and had spoken with him only a few times, I was earnestly praying that God would allow me to be instrumental in his salvation.
I wonder if Kent has considered the possibility that the guy asked for a new cell mate? If I were stuck with Hovind, I'd certainly be calling in favors. One wonders what the inmates questions were...?

Instead, I was moved to Marianna, Florida. The only place they had to keep me was the suicide watch cell in solitary confinement! It was a seven foot by fourteen foot cell. Its concrete slab in the middle to sleep on was surrounded by steel rings used for tying people down. I got out one hour a day to exercise in a bigger cage, but for eight days, it was just the Lord and I.
Does anyone have a violin and some cheese to go with that whine? I wonder if the Lord talks in his sleep?

That was quite an experience! God was so good. I sang every song that I could remember and read the “Good News Bible” that they had there. It was a very hard experience, but a time of revival for me as well. I pray that I do not have to endure it again.
So... jail is really, from Hovind's perspective, just another day at summer camp? No wonder they put him in solitary!
And, if the time was "so good for him" and such a blessing/revival...why is he praying that he shall never endure it again?

Then I was told I was being moved. I had leg irons, hand cuffs, and a waist chain for the entire eleven hours. The restraints get real uncomfortable real quick.
Ya' think? It's called prison, Kent!
Is anyone else getting the "I want to be a martyr!" vibe?
Kent goes on to briefly describe the Tallahassee prison library and, low-and-behold, this segues perfectly into the news of his new book... *rolls eyes*

I am also writing a new book, “Help, I’m a Public School Student.” I plan for it to be written in an “E-mail” format with students writing in questions for me to answer and geared for the Junior High and High School student. Although it is more difficult to write without any research materials or my computer, I am making progress and have about twenty-five pages written so far.
Yeah...'cause I know that when I'm trying to find books for my kids to read, I always go straight to the newest releases from prison inmates.

Next, I was told I was being moved to South Carolina via a transfer in Atlanta. After being taken out at 3:00 a.m., God answered my prayer to be allowed to be “the orderly” for the trip. The orderly passes out drinks and cleans up the messes. I was very grateful I was granted this privilege, because it meant that I did not have to be chained for the twelve hour trip.

God must not have received Hovind's prayers in regards to: the desire to stay out of federal custody, the chains and handcuffs, the slow mail service, and that whole "please, Lord, save my Dinosaur Adventure Land" prayer set.

I witnessed to a famous man during this part of the journey. He was not open to the gospel, but I pray that the seed I planted will be used by God to help reach him for Christ.
He should really stop talking to himself. It might start creeping out the other inmates. HEY! Wait a tick'... maybe this is why he's in solitary?

At present I remain in the United States Penitentiary, a maximum security facility. I am told that I will again be moved without notice at some future time. I must close as my four-inch pencil dulls so quickly!

Oh, the exquisite agony of it all.
And,... I'm not going to touch that last sentence! I'm sure that's what he's told his wife time-and-time again. *ba dum bum*

I continue to plead to God for my wife’s sentencing, for the CSE Team and the Creation Ministry, for a Stay request to be granted while our case is on appeal, and for our case to be overturned.
I wonder, if Kent's wife and accountants go to the pokey, will Kent accept that as God's will? Or, will he keep making blogs about how unfair the government is and how he really should be allowed to fudge on his taxes because he's doing it for the Lord? At least, for the first time in a while, he's actually thinking of someone other than himself. Narcissistic jerk!

Above all, God is still in charge. Thank you to those of you who have been faithful in supporting us with prayer and finances. Thank you!
God is still in charge, but he apparently takes Visa and Mastercard. :)

The prison system is an incredible mission field! The needs are so great that it is overwhelming. The federal system gives long sentences so many inmates are very depressed and angry. I continue to try to minister to the many, many hurting people with whom I come in contact. Let’s each continue yielding each day to HIS leading for HIS glory.
Kent

Oh brother...

23 comments:

Whalehugger said...

What I find hard to believe on reading the comments is that there are folks who support this nut and agree with his rantings that the govt is out to get him. I know our govt isn't perfect and I'm sure they're known to do some conspiracy if they feel it's necessary, but out to get some religious nutjob just for funsies? With the way the govt is leaning these days, you'd think they'd welcome him with open arms and give him a hero's welcome for his beliefs.

So why is it that when things go the way the theists want it, it's gawd at work, but when it doesn't, it's a conspiracy?

Nicholas said...

Poor baby! Please pass the Kleenex!

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

I witnessed to a famous man during this part of the journey. He was not open to the gospel, but I pray that the seed I planted will be used by God to help reach him for Christ.

Rumors are that this "famous person" are the scum bag Joe Francis from Girls Gone Wild fame. I bet that was a real meeting of the minds.

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

"are" should be "is"....

typos. Yay

fubarmonkey said...

Interesting letter though I would have laughed more if that letter had included any information on his prison romance with "Butch." ;)

Carlie said...

Oh, my gosh. That line about the pencil dulling as he writes sounds like something I would have come up with for a creative writing assignment in 9th grade. He really doesn't have a clue.

Mark said...

I like this part best:

Although it is more difficult to write without any research materials or my computer, I am making progress and have about twenty-five pages written so far.

How can it be difficult to write a creationist book without research materials? All he's doing is making stuff up, anyways.

Tone said...

He really is helping the "christians are crazy" movement.

Berlzebub said...

I read that and can only see, "Damn, I got caught and now I want sympathy."

It seems that his flock is getting together a petition, like Paris Hilton. When will those with an over-inflated sense of entitlement figure out that a petition is just a bunch of signatures? If you break the law, you have to pay the price.

Paul said...

@Berlzebub:

Ah, another petition.

There's details of another "Free Hovind" and a rival "Keep Hovind Locked Up" petition here.

Was running at 72 - 1183 in favor of keeping the guy locked up, last time I checked.

sano said...

You should be more respectfull... Oh, and your sense of humour sucks :P

Paul T. said...

He's probably being moved because he is pissing-off the other prisoners. If I had some asshole preaching at me in prison I'd shank the SOB.

lynn's daughter said...

I'm always fascinated by people who want to write about education, despite not having ever been an instructor of record with their own class. Or perhas he's been in jail long enough that he missed out on the "exit strategy" that the fundees are devising.

Alyx said...

Seems like Our Dear Pastor Hovind has delusions of being the next St. Paul. I even bet that, while he's writing, he's imagining how his words will look printed on onion-skin paper, chaptered and versed, lovingly read by The Faithful a century or two from now. (Assuming they don't all get Raptured first!)

*snerk*

RICHIEDEADHEAD said...

YIKES (in caps .. cause my trigger fingers r rusty)

HERE'S A STORY = of a man named KENT .. his son, ERIC = JO - HIS WIFE...." Making their way .. just the best they knEw how....BUT thats just a little bit more then the LAW did allow......" ANARCHISTS.... NOT THEISTS!!

INCREDIBLE.......FOR THE GULLIBLE..... THESE THREE ARE WACKO...and it ain't from tobacco...even SACCO and his partner VANZETTI .....were men to the end !!! OLD JUDGE THAYER WOULD NOT listen to UPTON SINCLAIR.. OR the TRIAL LAWYER FRED MOORE.... AND FIFTY YEARS LATER......A REAL PA'TATER'......GOV MICHAEL DUKAKIS ......(EASIER TO SAY THAN GEORGE STEPANOPOULUS....= THOUGH BOTH ARE GREEK TO ME ;) DECLARED THE WEEK OF 08/23/77 A TIME FOR REFLECTION ON ANARCHY AND MISTRIALS....

THIS AIN'T ABOUT RELIGION......BUT THE FRUITCAKES' DECISION TO TRY TO PULL ONE OVER ON OLE' UNCLE SAM......ANARCHY TAKES A BAD HIT......WHEN CHISELERS PERFORM A CONTRIP...
AND IT CERTAINLY AIN'T HIP ... TO MISTAKE THEIR BEHAVIOR AS BARKERS FOR A CREATOR .. THESE BOYZ AND MAMA ... SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED THE DALAI LAMA ... AND HID OUT IN TIBET... TILL NOAH'S SHIP....... DELIVERED A HYENA TO THE FOOTHILLS OF THE HIMALAYAS...... TO HAVE THE LAST LAUGH......

http://myspace.com/richiedeadhead

.......hey possum' mama...... have a wonderful week-end with the kidlets and beau...! richie

Joe said...

Does a con man ever stop?

Kathryn said...

That last part is so sad. I used to be friends with a very cool priest. It was about 35 years ago, and he didn't want to run a parish (gasp, said my uncle, a priest), but wanted to minister to those in prison. So he did.

Now here's this jerk, like suddenly realizing there are people in prison that need ministering too - except he seems to see it as a gold(en) opportunity rather than a chance to humble himself.

Sad sad sad.

demosthenesandlocke said...

they're not out to get anyone one person, they're out to silence dissent. thats it. any white collar white man who gets sent to prison and sees it as a way to gain some sort of redemption both for himself and those around him needs to get listened to, regardless of whether you are an atheist, a theist, or just plain spiritual. why is it that you see this country as the liberal atheists vs the conservative theists? we're just spiritual scientists, no more, no less. you need to fucking realize it, stop spreading this message of hate and ignorance and start spreading a message of love and enlightenment FOR ALL. you need to get your head on straight possum momma, you're smarter than this bullshit, and if us youth don't have the logical and spiritual guidance of the smarter elders, then what do we have? stop ranting against creationists simply because they have been brainwashed, just as you have been brainwashed by the anti-religious rhetoric of the radical atheists. NOW HELP THE WORLD IN A TANGIBLE WAY AND STOP BITCHING ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE IN THE WORLD!!!

Atheist in a mini van. said...

you need to fucking realize it, stop spreading this message of hate and ignorance and start spreading a message of love and enlightenment FOR ALL.

I'm spreading messages of hate? Really?

you need to get your head on straight possum momma, you're smarter than this bullshit, and if us youth don't have the logical and spiritual guidance of the smarter elders, then what do we have?
I don't know what YOU have. Obviously, you don't have someone who's willing to teach you the value of critical thought. You especially don't need people like Kent Hovind spreading scientific farse and folly. You need people who will teach you how the scientific method is carried out correctly. You need people to teach you to be objective. You don't need anyone to guide you spiritually. Grow up. Take responsibility for your actions and hold YOURSELF accountable for the things, good and bad, that happen in your life. Unfortunately, as we see by Hovind's example, he has yet to learn that lesson.


stop ranting against creationists simply because they have been brainwashed, just as you have been brainwashed by the anti-religious rhetoric of the radical atheists.
I will rant against creationist bullshit if I desire to. As far as "radical atheism", please demonstrate "radical atheism". What exactly is the rhetoric of which you speak?


NOW HELP THE WORLD IN A TANGIBLE WAY AND STOP BITCHING ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE IN THE WORLD!!!

Once again, your ignorance betrays you. Why do you believe I'm not helping the world in tangible ways? My good deeds are my own concern. I don't feel the need to publish them to be rated. I can give without need for recognition or kudos...can you?
Furthermore, questioning what we see in the world is extremely helpful. You should try it sometime.

Joe said...

Don't worry, PM, most all of us who come by think your head is screwed on straight.

Paul said...

[silentsanta, nz]

demosthenes and locke?

An appropriate nickname, I think, given that it's lifted from a book which had actual merit (Ender's Game) that was later followed by 3 volumes of unadulterated bullshit. This was due, in large part, to the author using them as a platform for some bogus spirituality. (The author's Mormonism had something to do with that, I'd wager.)
Oh, and the original novel also dealt with hyper-intelligent children :)

If you really are a fan, and you actually do wish to change the world for the better through your comments on internet forums, I would recommend concentrating on the following:

a) Critical thinking.
b) Being informed.
c) Tact.

If your previous comment is anything to go by, you have much work ahead of you.

smellincoffee said...

I used to watch his videos when I was a YECer. I still watch them because it's fun to laugh when he says "I just don't want MY tax dollars being used to teach this...".

Milo Johnson said...

"Four-inch pencil" indeed, you cheeky little thing. Happy birthday!