Monday, May 07, 2007

More rambly stuff on television...

...in which we discuss television.

*theist friend will be called Jane

Jane: Hey! That post about television was weird.
Me: ?? Weird, how?
Jane: What was your point?
Me: I don't know that I had one... it came from my thoughts about the many "Christian" shows I've watched, over the course of my life, and how bizarre they are in hind-sight.
Jane: Like what
Me: Little House on the Prairie
Jane: You liked that show, though. I remember!!
Me: I didn't like that show...I loved that show. Hell, I wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder. I even had my mom make me a dress and bonnet. I was pissed because my hair was blond and I always had to be "Mary" when my friends and I played LHotP. I would wander around, like a blind chick, and say really snotty stuff to "Laura" and "Carrie".
Jane: No way!
Me: WAY! I also tried to convince my dad to let the grass grow on our hill...so that I could stumble down it like Carrie. Ah. Carrie. See...here we go. Prime example of how Christian shows suck- one kid is ALWAYS special. If heaven exists, the real Carrie Ingalls is beating the CRAP out of Michael Landon for turning her into an idiot who had bladder issues, 'til the age of 10, and couldn't figure out how to get out of the fucking high chair. THEN, when she got a good plot line... she had a fight with a giant spider and strawberry. Please... Christian show my ass. Michael Landon was hittin' the chronic when he wrote that episode. AND, while we're on the subject... Pa- couldn't keep his shirt on- Ingalls. I didn't know they had little tanning booths on the prairie.
Jane: LOL - you're so mean!! You know you're going to hell for bashing Landon.
Me: There is no hell...but, if there was one, it would probably be an infinite episode of Highway to Heaven.
Me: or ...Touched by an Angel. GAWD! That was glurge before glurge was invented.
Jane: those are old shows
Jane: you still there? Those are old shows. You can't paint crappy eighties t.v. with the brush of Christianity and proclaim it all crap
Me: Is that a challenge?
Me: Ok...here are the criteria for crappy, theist, glurge t.v. : a "special" kid, hot guy (preferably bare chested and sweaty on occasion), sick/abandoned children (preferably orphaned) who need parents, and "a message" in every show.
Me: LHotP = Carrie, Pa,...ok, which kids weren't orphaned on that show (that list is smaller), and the messages were spelled out in the sweat on Michael Landon's chest.
Jane: HERETIC! NEW SHOWS?
Me: Seventh Heaven = The twins (VERY *special*), Kevin (hot guy), again...which children aren't abandoned on that show...shit, the Camdens abandoned their own children for tee-peeing the gym and/or being twins (they never feed Sam and David), and Rev Cam and Lucy have "the message" on lock down.
Jane: I shouldn't have got u started
Me: Probably not, but you did...so now you're stuck.
Me: Growing Pains = Chrissy (any kid who ages six years in one season is pretty f'in special), Kirk Cameron was pretty hot.... in a Tiger Beat sort of way (*GAG*), Leonardo DiCaprio fulfilled the "orphan" card, and...well, I think Kirk Cameron has taken "the message" to a whole new level.
Jane: Those are all predictable. My favorite show was Facts of Life.
Me: Ok. Facts of Life = Molly Ringwald's jacked-up, attention seeking character (special), GEORGE CLOONEY (ultimate "hot guy"), all of the girls were (pretty much) abandoned, and Mrs. Garret was like the Pope of jacked-up advice. "Blair" (Lisa Welchell?) pulled a Kirk Cameron, too!!
Jane:
Jane:
Jane: you're terrible.


AM I WRONG THOUGH?

11 comments:

HeathenAngel said...

That's pretty much the way it goes, actually... unfortunately. *sigh*

pussreboots said...

I completely agree with your review of Little House on the Prairie. The books are so much better (and specifically Christian). Pa in the books is like the anti-Pa of the TV show.

Atheist in a mini van. said...

I'm a huge fan of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane. They were both great authors. "Little House in the Big Woods" is the first chapter book I read and I became infatuated with all things pioneer. :)

The books, while they contained some religious context, were so great in that they reflected the reality of 19th Century, mid-west theology: Church was cultural and beliefs were personal.

And, you're right...Pa, from the books, was VERY different from the character that Landon created. And, honestly, I would go so far as to say that ALL of the characters were twisted to the point of being unrecognizable (in most cases). Example: Carrie... just, wow! The real life Carrie was much closer to Laura than Mary. She was really a strong influence on Laura, while Mary was at the Iowa School for the Blind. And, Mary never had an Adam (or a dead baby that would be used as a battering ram during a fire). There was no Albert (or James, Cassandra, or Nancy Oleson). The infatuation with Almonzo didn't exist in real life.
I could go on-and-on.

pussreboots said...

I'm glad you've read the books. Best to think of them and not the TV series. :D

aimee said...

I was suprised while channel surfing, there was a LHOTP episode where this girl was raped by a guy dressed in a clown outfit and she became pregnant from it. If I remember right, her father was kind of an ass also, she had to quit school when she started to show. I felt very uneasy after watching it, I didn't remember ever seeing that one before.

Atheist in a mini van. said...

I was suprised while channel surfing, there was a LHOTP episode where this girl was raped by a guy dressed in a clown outfit...

Thilly' girl, that was Thilvia (Sylvia,...with a lisp). She uttered the most famous words to Albert Ingalls in LHotP history: "Kiss me my wuv."

That episode was HORRIBLE! I can remember watching it when it first aired and .... hey, wait a tick'. THIS IS WHY I AM AFRAID OF CLOWNS! ;)

So, there were, obviously, no Little Grief Counsellors On the Prairie. That's what got Albert hooked up on the morphine.

Robert said...

Dead baby on a battering ram? Rape by clowns? And this was a Christian show? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, if this is what passes as christian television then how in the unbelievable hell do they complain about whats on tv now? Violent media isn't driving people to violence, its the utter hypocrisy shown by these goobs!

erin said...

This is OT of your post, and you've probably already seen this/made fun of it, but if not, I wanted to share.:)
http://scienceblogs.com/mikethemadbiologist/2007/03/creationist_sez_peanut_butter.php

headlesschicken said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carlie said...

I just saw an ep. last night, and it was CREEPY because it was when Laura and Almanzo lurved each other, and he wanted her to marry him but Pa said she wasn't ready yet. The real Laura and Almanzo were several years apart, but nothing like the difference between the actors - I mean, he was coming off as a complete pedophile. For all the ways the show deviated from the book, I am glad for the inclusion of Percival - he's textbook nerdy hot, I tell you. He was one of my first tv crushes.

And it's weird, but every time I watch the closing credits I can smell bubble bath, because when I was little it was always bathtime after the show was over.

I have a really good biography - Laura, the life of Laura Ingalls Wilder by Donald Zochert. It's interesting to read the biographies of her and realize how much different her real life was from even the books.

sano said...

About your comments on Madeleine McCann case, I think you shouldn't judge her parents reactions until it happens to you. Madeleine parents are very sorry for what happened and they feel guilty (which I think it's really hard to deal with) and you should be more respectfull. You're not the perfect mother, so you shouldn't judge other parents skills.