Saturday, March 03, 2007

Banging on walls.

Our neighbor is the anti-Villa. If Bob Villa had an evil twin, our neighbor would be suspect. So, for the purpose of the post, I will refer to my neighbor as Bob. I was rudely jarred from a peaceful slumber by the repetitious thumpings of Bob. He's got some sort of wall built in his backyard. I, for a while, thought it was a climbing wall, but...I've never seen anyone climbing. I thought, for a while, that maybe he was going to have a Christian Boot Camp, ala' Becky Fisher, and that this was some sort of metaphoric tool. Bob is a believer.

Today, Bob is taking down the wall. A quick glance over the fence shows that Bob has a sledgehammer and he's banging away at this plywood and two-by-four monstrocity. He's been at it for two hours!! I had to go peek over the fence and see how much longer we were going to subjected to the monotonous "thump....thump...thump.", because it's at a point now where even Edgar Allen Poe is going, "FUCKING ENOUGH WITH THE THUMPING!" I pop my head over the fence (and keep in mind that I look like someone on Bush's terrorist watch list becuase of my sun sensitivity) and say, "Hey! Bob!! How much longer are you going to whacking at that thing?" He jumps. He feebly tells me that he can't understand why it's not coming down. I apprise the situation and say, "We have a chainsaw,...why don't you just cut it down at those two posts." I point to the two posts that are the sole support for this wall, "Just dig the posts out after you've cut it down." He looks mystified. He says, "I'm not a big fan of chain saws." and returns to thumping.

Turns out this actually was a metaphor... rather than just pull down the wall, like most Christians, he wants to stand out there and whack at it for hours. Rather than just sever the feeble footings and be done with it... Bob is actually enjoying the monotony and inefficient pursuit of it all.

*thump*
Pause....
*thump*
It's like the cadence to a Pachabellic Hell.

10 comments:

Toni said...

UGH! Some days I hate neighbors, especially in the spring when the neighbors get their wood chipper going early on a Saturday morning...

Lily of Philly said...

Why didn't your neighbor just march around the wall for 3 days blowing a trumpet?

darrell said...

Now I really want to know what the wall is for...

Atheist in a mini van. said...

Why didn't your neighbor just march around the wall for 3 days blowing a trumpet?

ROFLOL!! Maybe I'll suggest that next time. :) It'd be about as effective.


Now I really want to know what the wall is for...
My husband and I went round-and-round on this one. He thinks that Bob's dad built it for Son-of-Bob. Since Bob's dad is from Colorado, we *think* it was, in fact, a climbing wall. But--- one time Evil-Villa built a rocket ship, with roller skates and plywood... he's kind of obsessed with plywood actually.

I plan on doing some trash re-con on Tuesday. I might be able to figure out what it was after it's been disassembled. Don't hold your breath, though. Knowing Bob... he built a wall to build a wall.

Saurian200 said...

Oh, come on...

Your neighbor built that wall for the same reason I randomly built a huge wall in my backyard...

To keep out Mongol hordes.

Isn't that why everybody builds walls.

Or was I drunk?

Anonymous said...

Bob would deny it, naturally, but I suspect that smacking against the wall served the same purpose for him as church bells or the Muslim call to prayer -- a pointless interruption of the peace of others in the name of HIS faith.

Pardon my cynicism; but having encountered countless Troo Beleevers with this attitude, I'm not able to dismiss the possibility.

Jake said...

Maybe it's something for you and your kids to talk to if you want to learn what it's like to pray...

Sean the Blogonaut said...

Just play ACDC's Highway to Hell or Thunderstruck everytime he starts a thumpin.

In case you don't know ACDC here's the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AC/DC

Alyx said...

Hmmm.... When I was a temp assigned by my (secular) agency to work at Promise Keepers (it's true!), I ran across a lovely little parable that was passed around again and again via the emails. It told the story of a man who was given the job, by GodOnHighHimself, to push this huge boulder across the valley. The guy spent twenty long years pushing at this stone, day after day after day, faithfully pushing and never complaining, but never moved it even an inch. Finally one day The Ebbil Debbil showed up and taunted the man for slaving away his whole life on this pointless and hugely labor-intensive job. So the man then confronts GodOnHighHimself and asks, "God, why did you make me waste twenty years of my life on this pointless and hugely labor-intensive job?" God tells him, "Look at you now d00d, you got muscles like Ahnuld Schvartzennegger, you got the patience of (some saint noted for patience, I guess), and other Vastly Useful and Desirable Characteristics. Now, I will move the stone for you." And God moved the stone.

Maybe this guy is trying to re-enact this story with his wall.

Alyx said...

P.S. I never did get the point of that parable....