Friday, February 23, 2007

Theism and childhood lessons.

As a child, I spent many an hour in catechism. I also spent many hours with monks. There were alot of messages that, even as a child, made me think twice. One being the statement made to Catholics receiving the token of palm ash on Ash Wednesday. As you are given the blessing, the priest says: "Remember man that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return." I believe that's from Genesis. However, my little head went, "Wait a tick! I thought I was going to return to heaven/hell...not to the ground?" This got me thinking...what other crappy/contradicting advice does the Bible/Christianity/Religion/theism give to children? Let's catalogue them here.

* As a child, you are an expendable resource. If God wants to prove a point to your parents, you're toast!
Peter 2:7-8, Hosea 13:16, 1 Samuel 15:3, Psalms 135:8, Judges 11:30-40

*If you curse your parents, you will be killed.
Leviticus 20:9

*If you're the firstborn male- watch your back.
Exodus 12:29

*Bears will eat you for picking on someone!
2 Kings 2:23-24

*If your dad REALLY loves Jesus, it's perfectly acceptable for him to abandoned his wife and children. Expect this.
Matthew 19:29


Dunesong said...

Here are but a few of the passages I found disturbing as I was growing up:

How to sell your daughter and what to do if she fails to please her new master.

Exodus 21:7-8

Lot in Gen.19:8 offers his two virgin daughters to a crowd to be raped (19:30-38) impregnates them, yet he was a "righteous" man.

2Pete 2:8

"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

1Tim 2:11-12

Men are made in the image of God; women in the image of men. Women were created from and for men.

1Cor. 11:7-9

Women are commanded by Paul to be silent in church and to be obedient to men. Also, "if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in church."

1Cor. 14:34-35

To God, enstruating women are both filthy and sinful, they should be "put away" and anyone who comes near them is contaminated by them.

Lev. 15:19-30, 33

Saurian200 said...

Let's not forget that unless your dad's name is Abraham, God is totally cool with you be sacrificed to him.

Judges 11:39

(In Judges 11:34-35 the guy even blames his daughter for him agreeing to sacrifice her. How's that for an abusive father.)

Also, if you're a young girl, you better hope God never sends his followers to invade your city. If he does, well, can you say "mistress".

Judges 21:12 (Judges is a really screwed up book.)

In general though you really don't want God telling his followers to invade your city.

Jud... Aw heck, just about any book in the bible will do.

Anonymous said...

The whole Lot thing just stymies me. I've actually had Christians say, "'s okay though because Lot isn't glorified for it." BULLSHIT! Read ahead in Peter! Then you point out Peter to them and they go, "could've been a different Lot."

The sad part is, in all of these phrases, the Christian will find a way to twist it to their advantage.

Has anyone mentioned stoning unruly children yet?

Or penning up your menstruating daughters?

Someone, at TLC, should make little "life's lessons" statues---but from the Bible. The censors would probably veto them.

Saurian200 said...


Or penning up your menstruating daughters?

I remember the verses about exiling menustrating women from your encampment/village/city, but I admit I don't remember that one. Do you know the book and/or verse?

I will say one thing about the bible, it can always suprise you. Just when you think you've read the dumbest thing ever written, there's always something worse.

Anonymous said...

I remember the verses about exiling menustrating women from your encampment/village/city, but I admit I don't remember that one. Do you know the book and/or verse?

*picks up the Bible* This could take a while...
I think we're referring to the same passage: leviticus 15:19-30

My "penned up" remark comes from the observation that that scripture reads like, "Woman! Gather up ye' shit and go somewhere else. Don't come back until Aunt Flo is gone and fer' Christ's sake, don't bring the bitch back with you."

Saurian200 said...


My "penned up" remark comes from the observation that that scripture reads like, "Woman! Gather up ye' shit and go somewhere else. Don't come back until Aunt Flo is gone and fer' Christ's sake, don't bring the bitch back with you."

OK, got it. Thank you. :)

PiGuy said...

You guys have hit most of my faves (Lot, stoning the insolent kiddies, subjugation of women). I'll just add that everytime I hear someone call it "The Good Book" I say "You really have never craced that book before, have you?"

I find it astounding that the people who seem to know the most about the Bible are almost always non-Christians. My guess is that if a rational Christian (and that might indeed be an oxymoron) actually read the book objectively they'd have no choice but to give up their faith. That's what happened to me.

PiGuy said...

craced = cracked *sigh*

preview, preview, preview...

Bifrost said...

I always found it interesting that in Genesis 12, Abram had his wife lie to the Egyptians about being his daughter, and god punished the Egyptian for marrying her. So much for a just god, punish the deceived rather than the deceiver.

Anonymous said...

In his book "Farewell to God: My reasons for rejecting the Christian faith," Charles Templeton relates over and over that the demise of his faith resulted from his reading the Bible. For instance in the introduction he notes that during a several month period of intense Bible study and non-religious reading he realized, "Slowly, and much against my will for I could perceive the jeopardy in it, my reason had begun to challenge and sometimes to rebut the central beliefs of the Christian faith."

The remainder of the book is instance after instance of his having read some Bible snippet, found it to be deeply lacking, and then abandoning it.

Templeton was a buddy of Billy Graham when they were young adults and together they founded Youth for Christ International. Their paths diverged when Templeton unlike Graham refused to allow mindless faith to overwhelm reason. Such intellectual integrity is infrequent among the religious people, in general, and quite rare indeed among evangelicals.

Anonymous said...


We (those of us who have a generally good feeling about Jesus: the message minus the shitty mythos) need to scrap the paradigm that Christ is stapled to the Wholly Babble, because He isn't.

Kathryn said...

When I was in Catholic grade school, they made sure to tell us that the "into dust" thing was for our bodies. It was to keep us humble and from focusing too much on worldly things.

It was a reminder that God made us "out of dust" and our bodies would "return to dust" (in the coffin, still gross!). :)

david said...

Perhaps not quite so shocking as the examples given, but at least as ludicrous: I picked up the bible in the hotel room bedside table a few days ago. Opening to a random page I read "And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails. And when he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing corn of the Philistines, and burnt up both the shocks, and also the standing corn, with the vineyards and olives."

Shortly after, Samson massacres a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass. As one does.

I know (thankfully only) two highly intelligent people who are deeply religious and I simply cannot reconcile their intelligence with the nonsense in this preposterous book.

How can anyone reconcile the vaguest rational thought with this lunacy?

I'm going to lie down for a while. (;)).

Lily of Philly said...

One of my all time personal favorites:

-fellow atheist in a mini-van

Disciple said...

Just to clear up a few misunderstandings...the child being stoned is an adult child, a "glutton and a drunkard..."and there are no instances of that law being carried out in the Bible (it worked as a deterant, one could surmise). If you think you can just read the OT and understand it at face value, you are more ignorant than the religious people you have so much contempt for. The separation of mentruant women was common practice in most ancient(and modern tribal) obviously have no knowledge of history or ancient texts. Jesus did exist, as attested to by several non-Christian ancient sources (Josephus for one). That is a non-issue, agreed to by ALL scholars, athiest or not. I pity athiests for thier love of ignorance and hatred of wisdom.