Thursday, January 25, 2007

Clowns

Floppy Writes: Personally, I don't really care if you *were* a true believer - you have made your decision (whatever that may be) and good for you.However, I do want to know what you have against Psychotic Clowns...Signed,Floppy the Bad.Member of Psychotic Clown Association; Peer of Balloon Benders International; 1995 Runner up in "Adult Scaring".Proud sponsor of Big Shoes for Little Feet

Floppy, I rebuke thee. *tosses popcorn at you and whispers a novena to St. Genesius (patron saint of clowns...yes, there really is one.)
:)
Clowns, psychotic or otherwise, are the closest thing to hell that I can imagine. Except...well, there are airplane restrooms. But, back to clowns: I just don't like them. It's one of my three totally stupid fears. I suspect that my fear of clowns came from my very first dentist's office. He had clowns drawn on the ceiling, so that while you were lying back in the chair, you saw clowns. I don't know what kind of Svengalli this guy fashioned himself to be, but...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Can't sleep. Clowns'll eat me.
Then, when Poltergeist came out...I couldn't sleep for WEEKS after that clown. I think I prayed a thousand rosaries that month. I also snuck a girl scout canteen into the Church and stole some holy water. My mom was TICKED when she discovered I'd poured a circle around my bed.

16 comments:

Virginia aka Ginny said...

Oh, don't forget to mention the clown in "IT". That was a scary one!

Atheist in a mini van. said...

Oh, don't forget to mention the clown in "IT". That was a scary one!

Did not even attempt to watch THAT movie. I knew that it would take more xanax than Walgreens currently had in their pharmacy to get me through that one. I read the book and spent four days in a corner, rocking rhythmically and chanting.

Anonymous said...

I thought "IT" was funny. It was sooo bad, you had to laugh.

Radix2 said...

You should try "Killer Clowns from Outer Space".

That will either cure you or kill you...

http://home.swipnet.se/~w-28870/ for a fan site...

erin said...

Okay, I watched Poltergeist and laughed through most of it...UNTIL THE CLOWN FACE. I'm not even scared of clowns, really, but that frightened me. It was just so unexpected.

Atheist in a mini van. said...

Radix2 said...
You should try "Killer Clowns from Outer Space".

Are you sure?
'Cause if I put that sucker on my Netflix cue and end up in therapy, you're getting the bill.

Okay, I watched Poltergeist and laughed through most of it...UNTIL THE CLOWN FACE. I'm not even scared of clowns, really, but that frightened me. It was just so unexpected.

Yeah. Poltergeist was actually pretty funny, until that clown. *shudder*

Martin Wagner said...

For the greatest evil clown ever, check out Horribin in Tim Powers' classic novel The Anubis Gates. A work of sheer genius.

Natasha Yar-Routh said...

It is well known that clowns are EVIL incarnate. That said Killer Klowns from Outer Space is one of my favorite little movies.

Anonymous said...

Help! I'm being persecuted!

Floppy the Bad.

Berlzebub said...

I had a fear of clowns when I was little. I got over it, but only because I started trying to figure out why I was afraid of them.

Then, it hit me. I can't see their facial expressions. It's one of those minor things that doesn't seem to drastic until you have to face it. Once I got that figured out I didn't fear them anymore, but I still don't trust 'em. Those fake smiles, and frowns. They're just showing us what they think we want to see while they try to take over. Or maybe I've just watched too much X-Files.

It also might have helped that I grew up in the eighties, when every rock band wore more makeup than most clowns.

I thought It was funny, also. The book was sooo much better. (Definitely don't read that one, Possummomma.) And if you wanna see something even funnier, one of the Scary Movie sequels has a parody of the clown scene in Poltergeist.

-Berlzebub

Carlie said...

Oh, then definitely don't watch the best episode of the new Dr. Who yet, "The girl in the fireplace". Creepy robotic 18th century French clowns! Ewwww.
Strangely enough, I didn't mind clowns at all when I was a kid, but now I find them completely scary.

- Came via Pharyngula a week or so ago,and have been incredibly impressed with your blog.

recklessmind said...

I never had a problem with clowns… but seeing an old, dusty ventriloquist’s dummy is always unsettling. I think I saw one in a movie once (when I was young and impressionable) that freaked me out. They don’t bother me anymore, but I’m always reminded of how they used to.

*shrugs*

I guess, if you think about it, fake smiles are always creepy… on dummies, clowns, politicians. ;P

Atheist in a mini van. said...

I never had a problem with clowns… but seeing an old, dusty ventriloquist’s dummy is always unsettling. I think I saw one in a movie once

There was a Twilight Zone episode with a dummy that kept me fairly freaked out for a while.

It also might have helped that I grew up in the eighties, when every rock band wore more makeup than most clowns.
Yeah...Gene Simmons never bothered me. Sammy Haggar (sp?)... no one should wear that much blue eyeshadow. Unless you're a televangelist's wife. Skeeery.

Help! I'm being persecuted!

Floppy the Bad.


Get in line, Floppy!
I'm N your Clown Car, Honkin yer nose! - or something.

.... *Shrug* I'm sooooo not I-hip. Tragic.

Dan said...

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

(Jack Handy)

Myqel said...

OK, now I am worried.

I am an atheist and a "professional" Clown.

I consider the Clown Classes I took at a local Com. College 17 years ago, to be one the things that helped me to overcome my being painfully shy. And to eventually take control of my life.

Which eventually lead me to voice my doubts in religion and to accept my being gay.

http://exchristian.net/testimonies/2005/08/i-am-free-from-religion.php

misterniceguy1960 said...

Apparently, I'm the only person over eight who actually likes clowns.