Sunday, December 31, 2006

Review of 2006

I've been kind of lazy, lately.
So... here it is, my abridged review of 2006; the people, the events, the stuff.

Steve Irwin - I still can't believe he was taken down by a stingray. Has anyone figured out where he was buried, yet? Or, is that still top secret?

Fergie - When she was in the Black Eyed Peas, I actually thought she was black. Then, in 2006, I find out that she's Stacy Ferguson from the "New Mickey Mouse Club." Dayummmmmm. Blonde, ringlet girl went Compton!

Dick Cheney- Our Vice. President. Shot. A. Man...with a hunting rifle. I'm sure Mel Blanc is rolling over in his grave... just wanting to come back from the dead and do an Elmer Fudd/Dick Cheney parody. And, I love the fact that the victim came out, on television, like a day after BEING SHOT and said, "Oh... it's all my fault." Yeah. Ok.

Jesus Camp- Proof that you can have too much of "a good" thing. This movie, quite frankly, scared the piss out of me. But, the fear was quickly replaced by loads of laughs when Ken Hovind and Ted Haggerty, both heroes of Jesus Campers, were dethroned as heroes. One for tax evasion. The other for preaching a dogma of hatred towards homosexuals, while engaging in homosexual activties. Proof that Karma is, in fact, a bitch. YES!

Youtube - Where? Where did this come from? I'd like to thank youtube for the HOURS of wasted time that I have spent rekindling my youth. I've watched more Muppet Shows than any thirty-one year old should. Also, -and this deserves bolding- Lonelygirl15 and's first, breakout couple. Yes...I got sucked into this drama.

Wii - Right. Instead of people hurting themselves actually participating in sports, we had people getting tagged in the back of the head by game controllers by people to lazy to actually go out and play sports. RIGHT ON!

Seventh Heaven- Proof that, if God does exist, he's a cruel, cruel diety. I can't believe this show came back.

Saddam - He just had to be on the list.

Dawkins, Dennet, and Harris - The trifecta of atheism and agnosticism. My homies! I love the fact that, in 2006, these guys were finally given the shelf space they deserve AND two of them hit the best seller list. Maybe all hope is not lost.

The DaVinci Code, The Devil Wears Prada, Curious George - Proof that good books should not be made into movies. LEAVE EM' ALONE!

Cervical Cancer Vacinne - Yes. A cervical cancer vacinne,...but not really. prevents against SOME cervical cancers...but, we're not really sure. WTF?! And...ok...I have to ask: how is this a license for teenagers to have wild sex, with abandonment? The fundamental Christians went ape shit over this vacinne. I just don't get it.

Scandals- Jack Abamoff, Tom Delay, Robert Ney, Randy Cumminghand, and Mark Foley...big, Republican party whoopsies!

Turin Olympics Bodi Miller...proof that there can be such a thing as too much publicity.

Major League Baseball finally admits that they need to investigate steroid use. Um. DUH!

Pluto - I'm still bitter about this one. Pluto lost it's status as a planet. It's now a dwarf...excuse me, "a little planet."

Pope Benedict - Pope Been-a-dick (thank you Non-Prophets) lived up to his chosen name...I think it was an appropo choice, considering that he called all of Islam "evil and inhumane." Yes... let's give Muslims more ammunition to hate Chirstians/Catholics. That'll help! *shoves Pope back into the vatican and asks him not to re-emerge until Groundhogs Day.

Bush decides to speak candidly about "the war" in Oct. 2006 - Sorry...alll I can do is giggle at this one. The President of the United States says, "Ok... basically, I haven't been being completely honest with you alll. But, now...I'm laying all the chips on the table." Wow. I know I felt soooooo much better after his "candid" talk. NOT!

Mel Gibson- Apple apparently doesn't fall all that far from the tree. Mel, Mel, Mel...drinking and antisemiticism don't mix.

TomKat wedding and Baby Suri - For the love of Pete,...I'm glad that the whole "wedding watch" and "Suri watch" is over with.

James Blunt - If there's one song that I never want to hear again, it's "You're Beautiful".

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey - I'd like to share a gift with you all...the gift, *pause*... of song. It's bad enough that we had to spend 2005 in mock horror that these two would divorce. It's worse that they had to be the ultimate in passive-agressive and talk about how awful they feel through song.

Brittany and Kevin - BWA HA HA HA HA HA! Sorry. No words.


peter said...

James Blunt: called by a comedy show here in Britain a 'goat-faced adenoidal strum-monkey'.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what the man looks like, but I can now let my imagination run wild. ;)

Bart said...

Thanks for a great evening of reading. Your Possum #1 looks like quite an amazing girl. Good work with her. I hope can do as well with my little 4 year old.

As a life long atheist, I find myself at odds with most other athiests as I'm very pro gun, and fiscaly conservative, I'd just like to point out that Cheney shot him with a shotgun, not a hunting rifle. This event has caused too many people to dismiss him as stupid, instead of seeing him as he truly is - Evil.

Anonymous said...

Hey there, Bart.
We have a four year old, as well. It's a great age. :)

Your point about Cheney is noted. LOL I had to laugh at your last line.